the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Randomize
