it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
