And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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