is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
