woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
