on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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