Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
