if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
