So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Boobs are out for the taking
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
