and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
