hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
