there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
