So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
