How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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