Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
