i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
