I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
