I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
