I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
