I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
3 2 1 whiskey
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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