We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize