Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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