be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
