Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
try to milk me bitch
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
