Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Blood and glitter go together right?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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