nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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