Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
