Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
