fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
