I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
