If that was your dad, he is hot
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
