She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
