just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
