I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
