Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
