I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
