Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
