I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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