were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize