I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
