We won't sleep together?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Randomize
