so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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