I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
the day after is always just damage control
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
