Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
