The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
