He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
