In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
