just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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