i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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