I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
