If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
