He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
