Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
