Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
