i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize