We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
