Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
