The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
