If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize