last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
