Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
