waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize