ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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