I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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