see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
