made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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