I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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