Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You are a genius and a whore.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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