Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
