Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
