Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize