if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
