fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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