Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
