I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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