Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
