If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
