i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
