Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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