I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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