If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
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As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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