Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
