i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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