There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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