how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize