Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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