Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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