He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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