he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
