in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
