Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
