These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
