Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
