So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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