I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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