after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
