told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
