I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
