I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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