She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
