my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
