I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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