you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize