Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
